Should You Stop Trying So Hard?
Curt Skene’s In2Win! Career Coaching Supplement.
Have you ever heard of someone finding the perfect job right after they accepted another offer? You’ve probably seen athletes struggle when they get in a rut and try to force themselves to be better again. It’s a simple law of nature but you can never force something that you want or you run the risk of pushing it further away.
As funny as it sounds it’s often better to step back from the situation and let the natural laws of the universe take over. Peak performance comes from natural responses, not forced ones. As job search pressures mount, allow yourself to step back and rise above the situation so you can get a better view.
Learn to visualize your success and let your unconscious mind start leading the way. This may mean having the patience to slow down your actions or in times of difficulty taking a survival job in order to allow the right opportunity to naturally come your way. This law also applies when you try too hard to get an employer to hire you or push too hard to make them like you.
To be successful shift your focus to another opportunity and have the confidence to let events come to their own natural conclusion. This doesn’t mean you should stop working, it just means stop trying to do those things that are unnatural to you. When you do this you will be surprised how often the tables turn in your favor when you let nature have its way!
When effort becomes desperation, step back, reassess and choose a more effective approach.
Why I Wrote This Page
Because deliberately trying not to want something too visibly often makes the anxiety more present, not less, and that anxiety becomes exactly what repels the outcome you’re forcing.
This is sometimes called ironic process theory: the harder you consciously try to suppress or force a mental state, the more it intrudes. In an interview or negotiation, forced enthusiasm or visible desperation tends to leak through despite your best effort to hide it, and people can feel it even when they can’t name what they’re sensing.
Stepping back isn’t giving up. It’s removing the forcing that was quietly working against you, and letting your actual preparation and value speak without the added strain of trying to control the outcome directly.
Action Steps
- When you notice yourself forcing an outcome, an interview, a negotiation, deliberately pause and shift your focus elsewhere for a moment before continuing.
- Redirect your energy toward a different active opportunity rather than fixating on the one that feels stuck. Momentum elsewhere reduces the pressure on any single door.
- Notice the physical signs of forcing, rushed speech, over-explaining, and consciously slow down when you catch them.
In2Win! Afterthought
Curt’s current observations and updated guidance will be added here.
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